ByJane

I've moved...

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 01:54:49 GMT

My latest post is at my new address: http://byjane.blogspot.com

Hope to see you there.

In which I cry UNCLE and admit to being defeated by code...

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 19:34:45 GMT

I've given up. Maybe if I hadn't taken a full-time job (for the first time years), I would have been able to fasten my slightly damaged brain around the intricacies of code. But I can't. I know what I want my web site to look like and do. I even have said site established at Yahoo: www.byjane.org But I can't get my intentions and the site to match, no how, no way, no sir.

So I'm asking for help. Is there somewhere out there a web designer who would like to work with Someone Who Has Her Own Ideas (which may, she here acknowledges, be unworkable)--and yes, for money?

Of my hundreds (or is it now thousands) of BlogHer companions--doesn't one of you know someone???? Please. Some of my most cogent writing, pithiest ideas, and succinct observations are going to waste....

The truth about growing up

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 03:59:47 GMT

Formerly, when I was a reasonably young person, there were certain things about reasonably older people that I could not understand. Like, the slipping eyeliner bit. A well-groomed woman of a certain age, who was bandbox (i.e., model) perfect--except that the eyeliner on that one eye was askew. Just a bit, but enough to notice. How could she? Didn't she look in the mirror before she left home?

Yes, she did. And she noticed, but she just didn't give a shit.

Ugly Betty, a review of sorts

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 03:41:23 GMT

It's thirtyfive minutes into the first show and I've got the sound turned off. That's my review. Don't we have enough nastiness in the world, what with Darfur and Iraq and Pakistan and Fundamentalists of all stripes, without TV producing another 60 minutes or so?

L'shana tova...

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 04:09:58 GMT

Here I am in the land of almost-no-Jews and at work on Friday, I felt compelled to go around and say to various people "Happy New Year to me!" Some just looked blank; a few said, 'Yeah, yeah, it's that holiday for you, isn't it."

Yeah, yeah, it is. I found a nice little synagogue and went to services Friday night and Saturday. I like this holiday, as I've mentioned before. While others like Therapy Doc find it somewhat grand and dramatic, for me it's the lead up to that Big Therapy session that is Yom Kippur. On Rosh Hashanah, you get to eat apples and honey (you should have a sweet year). On Yom Kippur, you get to eat nothing and atone.

"On Rosh Hashanah, it is written,
on Yom Kippur it is sealed:
How many shall pass on, how many shall come to be;
who shall live and who shall die;
who shall see ripe age and who shall not;
....who shall be secure and who shall be driven;
who shall be tranquil and who shall be troubled;
who shall be poor and who shall be rich;
who shall be humbled and who exalted."

Maybe it is somewhat grand and dramatic for me too.

Potpourri - Fall version

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 04:36:22 GMT

1. I got suckered into attending a Christians for Israel evening on Sunday, and I'm still mad. At myself, mostly, for not trusting my instinct that the whole thing was a disgusting right-wing, fundamentalist scam. Which it was and is. Blech!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. I'm trying to be more present in my life. Doesn't that sound disgustingly psychobabbly? What I mean is this: I'm sensing that I live in a state of anticipation, for some place or thing or activity that is over there, somewhere ahead of me, or perhaps off to the side, but definitely not right here where I am.

3. Right here where I am is--hey, hey, hey, I'm liking the job for--what, about five days straight? That's a record. And I do appreciate it. Because I don't, repeat don't want to end it. Until and unless I've got something better to go to.

4. I've been lax and remiss and just plain bad about posting my photos. I had a thing--albeit mini--going there where I took a picture a day with my cameraphone and uploaded it right away. It was like a surprise package, a Christmas present, because what you see in front of you is not necessarily what the camera sees. Uploading them was so much fun. But then I took a couple of dogs and got embarrassed, like I had gotten carried away with myself.

5. Brothers and Sisters looks awful--and just how much silicone did Calista Flockheart have pumped into her. Or maybe it's Restylane. Or bovine butter.

6. I watched the conclusion of Big Brother 7, and spent an entire night plotting and planning and truly believing that I would apply for BB8.

7. Who the hell is Joey Lawrence and why is he bald? Would I know who he is if he weren't bald? But he isn't bald; he shaves his head, and he's got a five o'clock shadow!

8. People become foster parents for the best and the worst of reasons. This is something I'm learning on my job.

9. We have been in this house for just over a year, and yesterday D. removed from the shower drain a wadded, gooey hair ball that would have choked a goat.

10. I watched about a third of Studio 60, etc. before I went to bed. But I tivoed it.

Website Woes -

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 22:57:08 GMT

Jesus H. Christ, what does it take to create a website in Yahoo with a blog by Movable Type????? I have been working at it for days and short of unscrewing my laptop and digging in with my hands--okay, yes, I know that won't work. But the urge is there. The problem is that when you go to http://www.byjane.org you get a blog evidently created for me by Yahoo and Movable Type. I cannot get rid of it. Nor are the blogs I create in Movable Type showing up. Nothing is being published. Maybe that's the problem. HTF do you get this shit published???? And HTF do you get that Y and MT blog to go away? I've tried appealing to them for help, but I can't get into MT (don't ask, if you're really interested, I'll email you) and my queries to Yahoo have produced a rather pathetic "we are here you to help" letter that sounds similar to the pleas I get for money from the Chief of Totonga and asks for every bit of secret code I have ever been able to create. So I'm like -- um, thanks all the same; I'll figure this out by myself. But WTF WTF WTF??????????????????????

Rock Star Supernova

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 02:57:49 GMT

Okay, I am well and truly pissed. That skunkhead, Lukas Rossi, won. The guys picked him over Dilana. I was actually considering going to their concert, but I cannot stand the weeney boy. I literally cannot listen when he sings because he is so grotesque. The sight of him prancing actually makes my retinas ache.

So I didn't ...well, kinda....but not yet...

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 02:53:21 GMT

My manager is nothing if not empathetic, sympathetic and a master of making one feel "heard." And well she should be, given her profession. I find her easy to talk to, sorta like a friend, and I unloaded on her my frustration, some of which had to do with her. She took it. The bottom line seems to be this: I'm good at what I do and I really enjoy doing it, even the record-writing. But we have to bill 300+ minutes a day, and I'm barely doing half that. And I'm working straight through the day, no lunch, no bs-ing. So where is the billable time going? I've decided to give it another month--which will bring my time up to 6 months--and keep fastidious time-keeping--including that 10 minute pee break (because our restroom is out of commission again and it takes twice as long to go to the one around the corner).

Should I or should I not....

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 04:52:59 GMT

I actually think I'm going to go into that 9:30 am meeting with my manager and pull the plug. If I do, I will surely detail all. If not...

The Third Woman

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 04:05:03 GMT

The Third Woman, originally uploaded by byjane73.

Another night shot...

The Harold Gassner Memorial Redwood Garden

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 03:44:02 GMT

The Harold Gassner Memorial Redwood Garden, originally uploaded by byjane73.

Harold Gassner--my dad--was a nature boy born in Brooklyn. He loved the outdoors and claimed there was more of interest to see in a square inch of earth than in all the great cities of Europe. I spend many a day with him in the woods in all sorts of places: Cook's Forest, PA; Sherwood Forest, UK; Muir Woods, CA. He was astonished at the redwoods there and brought back some carefully gathered seeds (okay, he was also a bit of a klepto and you never wanted to leave him alone in a drs. office for all the tongue depressers that he'd make off with). He brought those redwood seeds back to our house in Gibsonia and planted them carefully, there by the blueberry bushes he had such fond hopes for. My mother and I hooted. The blueberry bushes had withered; what made him think he could grow a redwood tree? And how old would we all be before it was even a sapling?

In Mendocino last week, I saw this redwood burl, or another one like it, which was actually sprouting tendrils. I knew I had to have one, for my father, because he would have had one and grown another redwood tree. So that's what I'm doing. In his memory.

I miss you, Harold darling, but you are forever in my heart.

Molly Dolly the Texas Cheerleader...

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 22:42:50 GMT

Why are you bothering me?, originally uploaded by byjane73.

about to be left at home--again--for another hour or so. Pity me.

A Question...

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 03:46:48 GMT

I am a therapist, a shrink if you will. The one piece of equipment that is ubiquitous to a shrink's office is the box of tissues. People cry when we talk to them, sometimes noisily, but mostly just gentle tracks of tears. The tissues are for dabbing at the tears. And then for shredding in the aftermath of the tears. I know this, and I empathize (which is what we shrinks do). But here's my question: Except for the occasional snot-filled sob session, why should anyone need more than one tissue at a time? What is it with these doubledippers, who reach out and without really looking, lift one-two tissues from the box? Are they just tissue gluttons? Do they think perhaps just one won't suffice the enormity of their grief? Every time I get a double-dipper in my office, I want to ask them.

But somehow it just doesn't seem like the right moment to do so.

The View From My Office

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 05:02:34 GMT

The View From My Office, originally uploaded by byjane73.

Is it any wonder I'm a noodle at the end of the day????????????

Night in Mendocino

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 02:24:17 GMT

Night in Mendocino, originally uploaded by byjane73.

On Vacation...

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 05:02:38 GMT

I have been MIA, I know, and for good reason: an actual vacation, like the real people take. D and I don't vacate well. The first time we tried we got lost on some logging road in Northern California that soon degenerated from merely difficult to practically unpassable. It was not paved. Nor, actually, was it probably a road, more an access for mad woodchoppers and other axe-wielders to plie their trade. And we had no gas. Really. The tank was on empty, we were lost, the night was closing in and--and.... Well, obviously we found our way out or I wouldn't be writing this now.

Still, it was a long time before we attempted another vacation. We have gone places, sure, but Always For A Reason. Or we got in the car and just drove, having no destination and therefore never really arriving anywhere. And along the we worked ourselves up from Motel 6 to Days Inns to Best Westerns. The beds were bearable, they took our dog, and they provided us with a supply of small bottles of cheap shampoo, the kind we would never buy if given the choice at the drugstore.

These past five days, however, we have been vacating at an Inn in Mendocino County. I will have more to say about Mendocino County, and the people therein at a future date, probably tomorrow. But I wanted you to know that we had a relatively good time. We ate fantastic food, and a lot of it. We laughed our pants off with our friends Jimmie and Wendy. We built two fires, walked the cliffs, and I took what are for me an inordinate number of photos, which I shall be posting shortly to Flickr.

Now we're back home, and I have made some vows to myself regarding this site. I'll tell you about them this week.

AZN Television - The Network for Asian Americans

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 04:44:29 GMT

...of which I am not one, Asian, that is. But somehow I've gotten addicted to the programming on AZN TV. The Korean soaps, or dramas , as they call them. I have never watched American soaps, but these are different. The acting seems better, more natural. The production values are really good, and the people are prettier, not so overdone, so pumped and primped as they are on soaps or telenovas. My Lovely Sam-soon is the one I'm watching now. It's half in English with Korean subtitles and half in Korean (I guess) with English subtitles. The plot lines of the programs I've seen all seem to revolve around one beautiful but poor girl, who is or is not in love with a handsome boy, who is or is not marrying a rich girl because his parents are demanding it and the poor girl is also loved by a rich but somewhat wild boy who may or may not be a cad or a hero. Typical romantic fare, I know, but it gets a certain gloss on it by being all Asian. I feel as if I'm in getting a rare chance to eavesdrop on a culture totally different from mine, and, frankly, I'm mesmerized.

Nothing pithy...

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 04:42:53 GMT

to say--except, am I the only one who is tipped into a miasma of lithping by the word pithy?

Night Train

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 23:48:49 GMT

Night Train, originally uploaded by byjane73.

Lonely sight; lonely sound--yet oddly comforting.

So You Think You Can Dance - the final four

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 05:11:16 GMT

Heidi & Travis – Disco

No chemistry – he’s trying too hard to do the Benji swing smile – awkward on lifts – so say I…however, the three judges didn’t agree. They were most complimentary, etc etc etc. Which makes me consider the difference between watching the dance on TV, where the angles from which I see are selected for me by the director, and seeing it live. Then there’s the whole live vs canned performance issue.

Donyelle & Benji – Viennese Waltz

A contemporary, balletic interpretation of a staid old formal dance. I like it. But the judges didn’t. They pretty much trashed them. Picked apart the style and the postures. Said it just wasn’t exciting enough. Well, maybe that’s the problem with the dance itself. How much drama can you get into a waltz?

Heidi – solo

Pajama Game, anyone?

Travis & Benji – Hiphop

Fantastic – high energy, great story – but I think Travis is the better dancer.

Donyelle – solo

Martha Graham lives…or some such thing.

Travis – solo

An amazing blend of classical, hiphop and gymnastics…well, maybe that’s just hiphop. But still, I thought this showed a full range to Travis that I haven’t seen before.

Heidi & Donyelle – Broadway

Hey, Big Spender – disappointing – the white eyelashes are grotesque. I couldn’t get past them – Judges said that the dancing was flawless, but the performance was mediocre. Yeah, I agree.

Benji – solo

His usual energy and style. Is it enough?

Donyelle & Travis – Contmporary

How can you miss with Mia Michaels? You can’t. This was incredible choreography and incredible execution.

Heidi & Benji- salsa

For showmanship, you cannot beat these two.

Group Routine

Models on the runway – Fun – Benji was a bit over the top for my money. The one I had my eyes on was Heidi, though.

I haven’t seen the group routine yet, so maybe I’ll change my mind, but…hmmmm…I’ll put my money on Benji. Yes, Travis is the better dancer, but the title is for America’s Favorite Dancer. The judges tried to swing it towards Travis at the end. I don’t know if America will pay attention, though.

I’ve seen the group routine and I don’t think it made a lot of difference unless the judges got Travis some votes. Funny that I don’t think Heidi and Donyelle are in the running.

work

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 05:59:46 GMT

this job feels like a bad boyfriend. you know you're not getting enough of what you need from him, but you keep hoping that he'll change. Or that it's really not him, but you that's the problem.

My Bloomin' Cactus...

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 03:19:07 GMT

You have new Picture Mail!, originally uploaded by byjane73.

I bought this weeney little cactus a couple of years ago at a 99Cent shop, and gave it my usual careful denial-of-all-attention. It has been sitting on the bench in front of my house for a year now, enduring all kinds of weather. The other day D remarked that it needed some water, so I doused it with the remains of a bottle of Arrowhead. And now, it has appropos of nothing, shot forth with a lovely little yellow flower. I think the cactus must have thought the Arrowhead was spring rain--and did its natural thing accordingly. If you look very carefully, you can see a blob of black in the upper right of the cactus. That's a dead fly. Caught. Forever.

Cathecting my crafts...

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 23:47:46 GMT

I wandered around the third bedroom for a while today, the one that has all of my craft materials. Mostly I walked in circles, as much as I could considering that there is SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE.

I have said before that I enjoy buying craft materials. More than using them, it would seem, since I have enough to stock a smallish Michael's.

You want some colored sand? I got it. Bought the multi-color pack when I was making buttons for that straw-colored cotton cardigan I knit, oh let's see, it was in '95, I believe. Made the buttons (want some?), saved the sand for another grand project.

How about a bunch of bottles of all shapes and sizes that I am saving/collecting/buying to paint. (Some fool might suggest the sand go in the bottles, but that is only for those who also enjoy crocheted poodle toilet paper covers--if you get my meaning.)

I do, should you inquire, have the requisite paint for these bottles. In fact, I have a large plastic box (wait, I'm going to measure it now) that is 16"x24" and is full of paint. All manner of paint. All colors of paint. If I didn't think it would mark me as sick beyond belief, I would tell you that this paint is separated by type, each of which has its own little plastic shoebox home.

A couple of weeks ago I did a home visit and brought some materials to do a project with my clients. The tubes of paint were gorgeous, strong, sparkley primary colors--and dessicated. When the client squeezed a tube, the contents shattered.

The thing is, I have had this collecting habit for many many years. In fact, there is a box of Dr. Martin's colored inks that I used in a set design class I took the last summer I was at Pitt. And we know how long ago that was!

Okay, those have sentimental value. But, people, shouldn't I be throwing the rest of the stuff out? It's hanging 'round my necks worse than any smelly bird could be. And it stops me from actually working on projects, because I've got this must-finish-before-you-start-another mentality. Which considering the fact that I have ADHD pretty much insures a constantly rising guilt level.

I have an urge to just pitch all this stuff. But then some practical side overtakes me and I think that throwing away good stuff when people are needy is wrong. So it becomes a moral issue, and I get a headache and...and...and...

Please do not tell me about Craig's List or Free Stuff. I know, I know. I've used them before. They never get rid of everything and I still have to throw stuff away. Oh woe......

So You Think You Can Dance, the final 6 – August 2, 200

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 05:02:59 GMT

A Lively Live Blog…

Heidi & Travis

o His solo: He can really move his body, but I’m a bit bored with him already. These solo numbers aren’t long enough to do much with. They throw their big stuff into the ring and it just ends up looking chaotic.

o I wish she’d done something different from that jazzy quick step that she’s done almost every week. I’d like to see her as Mia put it, “breathier and more fluid.”

Smooth Waltz

Needs beauty and harmony and grace

No chemistry. But her extensions are great. Nice to see her quiet for a change. He is studied, as if he hadn’t quite memorized the steps.

Judges love Heidi tonight. Him too. Oh well, maybe it’s just me. No, Mia wants it breathier and more fluid.

African Pop (?)

This is amazing, two white blondes doing an African number. And it’s great! Suits his phenomenal body work, and she gets to go deerper into herself.

Nigel: best routine and best couple of the night!

Mia: Heidi I don’t think you would have been able to do this a few weeks ago.

Benji & Donyelle

o His solo: Fast, lots of body and footwork. Okay. Yeah. I think I’m just not wowed by these solos.

o She really put herself into her solo. I’d like to see her a bit more fluid, yeah and breathy. She’s another frantic dancer and I guess I’m just not that keen on it.

Broadway

He is just electric. His movements are so crisp and pure. And his personality just beams out through every inch of him, top to tail, head to foot. She is less so….

Except Nigel thinks the opposite, that Donyelle is outdancing Benji

Mia agreed with me – that Donyelle wasn’t as energetic as he was and brought him down.

HipHop

They have to surpass their hiphop of the first week. I think they did. Kinda. It was cute.

Ivan & Natalie

o Her solo is a lot of writhing with some gymnastics thrown in for good measure.

o His solo is the most interesting thus far. Maybe it’s that he does hiphop, which lends itself to short, explosive dancing. But there was also a narrative line to his solo, which made it more interesting.

Jive:

Natalie’s great at putting herself into it, maybe a little too much so. It’s kinda fakey and she’s mugging again. The dance itself was sort of boring. Nigel said, “Natalie, I thought you were doing a solo not dancing with Ivan” and Mia added, “it felt fake, false and I shouldn’t be able to see the steps…” Yes…!

Contemporary:

Supposed to be about new love. Her technique is terrific, but emotionally I don’t believe her a bit.

Nigel: these routines show your limitations. Natalie, you dance well but I feel as there was a mask in front of you.

Mia: you are an amazing dancer, but your face is contrived and it bothers the hell out of me. Ivan, I saw your limitations.

I think these two are history. They’ve each gone as far as they can right now. He’s limited because he hasn’t the training. She’s limited because something makes her shut off on stage. He needs classes; she needs therapy.